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About Bender

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need you at the office ASAP.” Ugh, really? I was just getting comfy! But duty calls, right? I jog back through the streets, dodging people and pigeons.

​DA PARTY OFFERS ITS LEADER ANDREI NASTASE FOR PRESIDENT OF MOLDOVA